Are you able to forgive the people who hurt you in the past?

The message sent out in today's sermon was about forgiving the people who hurt you. Past afflictions. Those who did not see eye to eye with you. The message was clear cut and precise. I hardly stay very, very awake and sober for sermons but today was special. I just paid my atmost attention to today's sermon. But I won't type out word by word, or even the details of the sermon... but the main point about what I was going to write... its about me being affected greatly by the message.

So we were told to stand up and read declaration of forgiveness and forgive ourselves. But shortly after that, I just felt very sad and I just cried.

I was really, really upset because I couldn't really put the past behind me. I was reminded of my past, the hurts which people love to strike at me and also the rejections. I won't go details about rejections and all other stuffs. But, I just felt really low at that point. I somehow couldn't deal with it and get over it. I think I'm pretty useless by not getting over it even it happened 1 year or more ago. Somehow I wished I could... I wished I could face up to reality... able to forgive and forget people... able to take things by my stride... able to have good relations and have an acceptable amount of E.Q.

Sometimes I felt really lonely... but why was it like that is what I think because of me shutting myself from other people and avoided intimate contact with other people. I just don't want to get hurt again. So I reckoned the best way is to avoid contact. But at the same time, I am unable to withstand the loneliness. I need to break free. I need to meet new people. I just started doing that so I'm on my way. I broke free. I met new people. And I did not avoid intimate contact anymore. Somehow I felt its something that I have or its something that I did that actually made people prevent getting closer to me. I guess some issues to take care of. Not some... its ALOT.

So after today's service, I went to Nanyang Technological University for some course conference. Really nice I should say... I'm interested in furthering my studies but getting top 5% for my course is really a toughie. I'm also interested in doing something related to audio in the future. Like... an audio engineer or something.

Yesterday, I went for my friend's wedding at my church. I am really happy for the couple. I sincerely hope and pray that things turn more better for them in their new marriage and strong tides and storms will not break them apart. Its really nice. Yeah the food too!

After that, I met my junior's church mates for bowling session. I was full after having 2 servings of rice with lots of curry (I'm a curry fanatic). One of her friends is very professional in bowling, brought her very own ball (I meant bowling ball!) and her gloves. Argh, and I hurt my opposable thumb.