Where is the voice that was once in my head? Where is the voice that told me "Get up and FIGHT! Chin Heng!!"

Where is it?

Where?

I can't seem to hear it anymore.

Why?

I don't understand where is it now.

I used to be quite confident about myself. I told people that I could do it. This particular challenge. That was the secondary school days. I don't know whats happening to me now. I used to be motivated. Even at the very last hour, the very last minute before I got my 'O' level results, I knew I could score results none too low. But now, I can't seem to have this 'power' of confidence anymore. What has happened? What has happened to me? Am I getting weaker? I don't know. People change after sometime but for my case, why am I getting more negative than I used to be? The failures that happened? The prosecutions I faced? The hurdles that blocked my path?

Now when I fall, its hard to get back up on my own two feet because the feeling of 'lousiness' just stays there after an unfortuante event had happened. I had to use more strength to overcome this particular problem. I want to be happy and fight on. Its that simple. But somehow I can't do it. I seek comfort but I can't find any. Have I been forsaken? I'm not saying my friends aren't there for me. But they have their own things to do. And I fully understand.

Depression. Can it be cured? In chinese they call it 'You Yu Zhen' I somehow hope it does. I just came to know that in my church, this family has 2 cases of suicides. The cause? Depression is the word the people say.

I hope that tomorrow is a better day for me. Well, thats what I always hoped for. Sometimes it is but most of the times its not, it gets worse. Alot worse.